The Fears of Sen. Richard Burr

More and more Republicans are reminding me of field mice with tiny penises - they are timid, scared of the sound their own shadows make, and are overwhelmed with feelings of inadequacy.

Sen. Richard Burr (R-NC) is a case in point. The list of things that scare Richard Burr is towering:

• Burr is terrified of the flu and even smallpox, even though that hasn't been a case of smallpox anywhere in the world for 30 years.
• Burr's voice gets all sort of squeaky and tremulous over the thought a double amputee Iraq War hero working in the Veterans’ Administration. Tammy Duckworth is a woman and strong, smart women make Burr feel emasculated.
• Burr is afraid to go into a park, or anywhere that might have wild squirrels, without hiding a gun under his coat.
• Burr is frightened of banks; he apparently has never heard of the FDIC. Note to criminals: when burgling Richard Burr's house don't forget to take his mattress.
• But, most of all, Burr pisses his pants every time he sees a North Carolina Democrat. Polls show there is not a single Democrat in the state who cannot defeat Burr come election time.

It must be a sad life, being Richard Burr and being so afraid all of the time and, worse, being such a wuss he has a right to be terrified all of the time. I pity him.